Facing Our Fears

Dr. Kathleen Jade — Sat, 07 Oct 2006 17:06:51 GMT

Facing our fears. Taking risks. Making changes. In order to grow and move forward in our lives, we are constantly called upon to overcome our fears by taking risks and making changes. This process is what brings about enlightenment and empowerment, allowing us to improve our lives. When we accept our fear instead of pulling back from it, we experience it as an clarifying energy. We are then able to move forward to fulfill our missions. If instead we choose to pull back from those same fears, we become victims and our personal power is decreased. We get stuck, anxious. We start to despair and get pulled into a cycle of pessimism, boredom, confusion, and helplessness. This is unharnessed, undirected fear; and it's destructive.

I was recently introduced to a wonderfully simple and useful tool to help me get out of this stuck state that we all fall prey to at certain times (some of us more than others). The tool is referred to by different names: The Trask Triangle, The Triangle of Fear, or, The Triangle of Change. It was developed by Bob Trask, a popular keynote speaker, teacher, and personal coach. The triangle is a training and self-coaching tool for understanding how our feelings and attitudes influence our ability to overcome our fears and make necessary changes in our lives. On the outside of the triangle is a progression of standard feelings and attitudes that lead to personal growth and constant rewards. On the inside, another standard progression of feelings and attitudes robs our power and self-esteem, leaving us feeling utterly helpless and alone. It takes courage and clarity to stay outside the triangle; self-doubt easily drives us inside, where our fears drag us through a predictable series of feelings that eventually end in shame and despair.

Here is my version of the triangle:

Inside or outside the triangle? That is the choice we continuously must make. At each of the three corners of the triangle we have the chance to be inside or outside.

Choosing to stay on the outside takes courage: we face our FEARS and take risks in order to make the changes we need to make to accomplish our visions. The process may be overwhelming, and we may not even end up where we were wanting to go, but, no matter what, we WIN, simply because we've dared to make a change. Because we've chosen to "take the win", we affirm our self-worth and follow the path of loving ourselves as we are. Following this path on the outside then allows us to truly REST, knowing we have risked and loving ourselves because we have faced our fears, no matter what the outcome. From that place of stillness, we give ourselves the space for self-exam, discovery and decision-making. What will we choose to do, be or have next? What change can we make that will empower us and bring us closer to our vision? What fear does this arouse?

For many of us, it's easy to let our self-doubts pull us inside the triangle, where fear overwhelms us, pulling us into a state of ANXIETY. Overwhelmed and anxious, we choose not to risk and instead become paralyzed. We feel alone, helpless. Before long, we're so threatened that we move into a serious state of AVOIDANCE. Hiding from the truth, we become numb, bored. If we don't take the win, we don't feel we deserve love and respect, digging ourselves into UNWORTHINESS. Soon, guilt and shame make us feel as though we're not enough, and we blame ourselves and others.

Until we choose to break out, we get sucked deeper and deeper inside the triangle - into this cycle of avoidance, boredom, unworthiness, shame, anxiety, paralysis, and then even deeper avoidance. Our lives feel small, flat, and isolated. Only we have the power to decide to change, face our fears and take the risks necessary to pull ourselves out.

The original, more detailed version can be found at Bob Trask's organization's website.

Mind/Body

Facing Our Fears